To start, I am a male who identifies a straight man and is generally masculine. I am 99% sure I am straight and I have never been into a crisis regarding my gender identity. I can still appreciate a well-groomed man but I wouldn’t consider that as being attracted. Also, I know I’m not sexually attracted to males since I feel repulsed when I see male private parts or sexy pictures. However, I don’t think that I’m a completely masculine traditional guy when it comes to expressing myself. I don’t mind if I don’t come off as manly or if I don’t coincide with the general stereotype of how a manly guy acts. My friends have commented on me saying that I’m “maarte” and say that I’m don’t act like a gentleman at all. I do admit that and I don’t want to be too conscious about sticking to the traditional man look.

I view sexuality as an important thing people have to discover about themselves. It’s truly subjective and people can be attracted in different ways to different types of people. You don’t have to impose a certain template on what they can or cannot prefer. I don’t mind people having genders of different kinds as long as they don’t harass others too. Sex, on the other hand, is objective with it being biological. For me, the definition of sex shouldn’t be changed because it’s medical and scientific. Its definition cannot simply be contested. It is not as simple as gender identity which is purely up to the person. You can now change your sex however by going through an actual physical sex change and becoming a transgender but that won’t change everything. I respect the new sex of transgenders but still there are a few boundaries that shouldn’t be changed like transgender females in sports who would of course always win against people who were born as females.

As a straight person, I feel lucky I don’t have to face discrimination regarding my sex and sexuality. My views don’t affect my self-expression as much as views on the matter would affect LGBTQs. People don’t harass or attack me regarding my views since I’m not an LGBTQ, to begin with. In no way do I feel hindered to express my sexuality and I’m thankful for that. It is sad however that other people in our community still need to voice out their views and sexuality to also help fight for themselves and help defend their identity. Their views in a way allow them to express themselves.

For sex the act, I have no problem with adults doing it often or with non-romantic partners. I’m just worried about people who make it too easy to have sex with them. They can be easily taken advantage of and are at so much risk. I wish they would take a few extra steps to ensure their safety like getting to see an ID of the person just in case something bad might happen. For minors, however, I don’t think they should have sex yet. A few years doesn’t make much difference but it’s crazy what trouble they could get others into if they lied about their age. It’s a crime.

Personally, I choose not to have sex yet because I in no way want to take any risk at all of getting someone pregnant. I have plans, I don’t like babies and I don’t have money for one. That’s basically it. The only person I’d have sex with is my girlfriend and her worst nightmare is also getting pregnant. We’ve talked about it and maybe we might start having sex when we’re a bit older in law school or medical school since we’ll only have a few more years to go and sex might be our key to survival with so much stress 😀

My friends contributed a lot to my present identity, not only by influencing me to explore things but mostly by guiding me ever since we met many years ago. I met my most influential friends almost 10 years ago and I’ve grown a lot since then. Over the years, they have helped me realize my shortcomings and what I need to improve on as a person. I’m glad that they have never been fake to me and have always told me when I was in the wrong. That always made it easy for me to learn more about my identity as a person and change what I needed to about myself. I used to be an insulting know-it-all child who wasn’t the best at communicating with others and they helped me change that. I mean, I’m still interested in the same things and I still have the same type of personality but I no longer have the many negative aspects of it thanks to them. They didn’t change the true Simon, they just helped me show it.

And so in high school, I was more able to identify with my cliques and crowds. I was able to communicate better and I felt more connected to my barkada. My closest friends were mostly guys in highschool. We were the chill type of people in the honors class. I could identify with this type of clique since I felt happy with them and I didn’t want to stress myself out thinking of academics. My friends were the ones joking around in class. We loved playing basketball after class, gaming or going to a friend’s house after school if we had nothing to do. Our most memorable moments were playing pranks on others and making harsh jokes. That was my main clique in high school.

Now in college, I think I’ve found a clique with a similar personality. I mainly spend time with guys in my block and their sense of humor resonates with mine in the same way my high school barkada did. They don’t overthink about academics, some of them like basketball or League of Legends and are easy-going people. What I’ve noticed however is that my new friends here are much more mature than my friends in high school. It might just be since we were younger back then but I still notice how shallow and stupid my high school friends are until now (in a funny way). I also noticed that now I have more friends that are girls and my cliques aren’t purely boys anymore. Starting in senior high school, I’ve found it easier to bond with girls and my world no longer revolves around things that only men typically like.

My online self is more silent. I don’t post much anywhere, I just like browsing and viewing other people’s posts. When I interact, I only do so through private messages. So, people won’t get to know me much by simply following me online.

In real life, I’m more interactive and that’s where you’ll get to know me better. I’m a relaxed person who’s usually game to have fun and go out with friends.

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When I was young, I used to always ask my parents about everything since I was a very curious child. I thought of them as teachers since they would share to me how the world worked and what I have yet to learn. They were the ones who I learned from the most. In high school, however, I started to challenge what they said and no longer looked to them not as teachers but simply consultants. I learned more on my own. I would ask for their opinion but I wouldn’t consider it necessarily correct and I became fond of challenging my father to intellectual debates. Their ideas were no longer perfect. Now, since I no longer live with my parents, they’re more of partners who I can no longer consult with as often but can still guide me and help me in my large endeavors in college.

I believe that the looking-glass self and dramaturgical model have been applicable for so long now with humans being social creatures. Different civilizations, from early tribes, have truly valued the views and opinions of others which is why humans have always tried to control their impression on others. Centuries ago, families were crazy about their place in society, about not bringing shame to their name, and actually, some are until now. Contrived performances can be seen at the workplace, in politics, and online. This is not always wrong, however. Sometimes we need to adjust to maintain order in a situation. But I’m glad that, recently, the idea of acting naturally and being yourself is now being promoted more.

I personally like people who don’t overthink their social image or aren’t too worried about what others think of them. I worry when people I know try to use social media as their front stage and post pictures that change their appearance. Even worse is when they post things that I know aren’t true to themselves. This is why I don’t follow celebrities who promote the idea of looking good for clout or getting attention because I think it has bad effects on others. That culture has led others to buy overpriced branded items like new iPhones even when there are other more important things they should be spending on. It has hurt the self-confidence and self-image of millions, making them think that they should be like famous people online.

Reminded of that phenomenon, I avoid being contrived and try to go beyond the looking-glass self. I would never want to change my identity just to fit in or look cool. Commonly, I just manage my impressions on others to make sure that I do not offend or disrespect anyone. I do not act to make them think I am someone I am not. I also do not think much about what others think about me. Many people have said negative things about me in the past but I always remind myself of who I truly am. The opinions of those who do not know me at all should not matter.

I’d like to think I’m in the status of identity achievement since I’ve already tried to change my identity in the past and now I feel like I know who I am. In the past, when I started Junior High, I tried exploring a new identity. In grade school, I got some issues due to my personality and my close friends told me I could change a few things. I initially took it hard, but I knew I had to change sooner or later. And so from being a stuck-up jerk, I explored myself and eventually became a more relaxed fun-loving guy. I started socializing more, playing basketball, going to parties and ultimately I found my niche within my group of friends. I was happy and comfortable with my personality. It felt more natural and I wasn’t faking anything. In senior high, despite having to meet new people, I no longer felt like I had to explore or change my current identity to fit in. Now in AdMU, all I had to do was get used to speaking English however I didn’t change my personality at all. I feel like my identity is truly me and I have achieved who I am. I’m still an optimistic guy who tries to stay relaxed despite all the stress that gets thrown at him.

While I’m in the stage of adolescence, I’m appreciative of my parents because they show signs of being in the middle adult stage and having positively resolved the conflict of generativity vs. stagnation. They have always been caring and concerned about our future as their children. Ever since my sibling and I were born, they haven’t splurged on anything and have always prioritized us. When we were young, they taught us about how saving money is important and how they’re doing so for our education. Later on, they even said that they wanted to make sure that our education up to medical school was assured even if they were to die at that exact moment. Even though our education is taken care of now, they still take precautions such as going on separate flights, making safe investments and trying to ensure our future. My dad always has been spending on insurance and now is starting to set up businesses that he can pass on to us. I’m certain that they both got positive outcomes from their psychosocial development.

When I first learned of the different models and concepts of Freud’s psychoanalytic theory, they seemed logical until it came to the psychosexual stages which felt disturbing to me since they involved erogenous zones and pleasure even for infants. His perspective involved sexual pleasures even at a young age but I remember my childhood as an age of innocence. I don’t think I experienced the Oedipus conflict or castration anxiety when I was younger. It makes me wonder how he first conceptualized these stages and how he carried out his research.

What I liked most from the psychodynamic perspective was the defense mechanisms that I see being used by different people every day. For years, I’ve observed how people regularly use mechanisms like denial, displacement, and rationalization and now I know that they were studied and categorized since long ago. Even I use defense mechanisms when it comes to anxiety, commonly sublimation and rationalization. When I get stressed, I try to put my anger out through exercising. It’s much easier to take out your frustration when you’re working out. My PE class at the moment is Muay Thai so I feel satisfied when I get to do a lot of kicks and punches. When I get low grades and scores, I try to make excuses and rationalize so it doesn’t hurt as much.

This reminds me of one intrapsychic conflict I had when I wanted to go on a vacation trip with my friends. I wanted to go because all my close friends went but the problem was two of my exes were also there. This was during the semestral break and I wanted to go with them because they would go island hopping and do so much. In reality, I could easily go. Everything had already been planned and prepared, my parents said they would allow me, and I didn’t need much money since one of my friends was hosting. My id and ego were already good with it. The only problem was that I was in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend and my superego told me that she might get jealous and sad about it. And so after a week, I eventually decided not to go through with it. During the semestral break, I coped using sublimation, enjoying time with myself and relaxing by playing video games instead.

In handling my emotions, I mainly use situation modification along with cognitive change. They have become go-to moves for me that work most of the time especially when im stressed. I like to pause, take a deep breath and then take a hot shower so that I can relax myself before I continue working. I also repeat quotes like “Never stop. Never settle.” in my head while listening to hyped up rap music. This kind of gives me that extra push to finish what I need to do.

I don’t use attention deployment that much because I think it doesn’t really solve the problem as much as changing your thoughts or reactions to it. I love the way that I’ve gotten used to always looking at the positive side of things and being confident in the things I face especially at school. When times are tough, I try to insert some jokes or share the difficulties with my friends because it just makes the stress more manageable.

I also use situation modification more often now because of the so many changing schedules I have. In college I have to balance time between my organizations, academics, and all the events I have to go to. It’s not just for me but I also try to match my schedules with my girlfriend from UP so that we can still meet a lot.

I still haven’t fully figured out how to arrange my schedules however, so at the moment I just try to insert my work while doing other things at the same time. Hopefully, when I do, I can get back to exercising and sleeping more! Those two were the key to my happiness back in high school. I just love a good satisfying workout and then taking a good night’s sleep without anything to worry about right after.

Recently, there have been many times where I’ve felt afraid going home late at night. I live near Esteban Abada (the street behind Katipunan Ave.) and the area near my corner has been known for many hold-ups, robberies, and other crimes. Since it’s pretty dark near my house and there are small sketchy alleys near it, I can’t doubt the stories. Every time I go home at night, I walk as fast as I can and I feel scared. I look around me every few seconds and even turn on my phone flashlight to check corners. If you think about it, its actually good that I’m afraid because I always try to make sure I’m safe.

On the bright side of my stressful life right now, there are still times when I feel happy. It’s mostly when I get time to rest and finally enjoy things. For example, when there are no more projects left or tests that I have to study for, it’s much easier for me to be happy because I have nothing to think about. I am guilty about overthinking of all the stuff I need to do so I can’t really be as happy as I used to be when I still have tasks at hand. When I finally am, I know it for sure because I can actually take time watching shows and enjoying my food and sleep.

I think it’s helpful knowing the ABCs of my basic emotions because I do experience them often. It’s better to be aware of how you’re feeling so you understand yourself and also become more rational in handling these emotions. You have to make the most of what you have and always improve.

Recently, after moving to Manila from Davao, I really had to be conscious about speaking in English. Back in Davao, I was really used to speaking mostly Bisaya with my friends. I would also speak in Tagalog but I never really preferred speaking English during conversations which is why I felt really awkward talking to people in AdMU. I remember OrSem and it was awkward because it took me some time before I could reply to people talking to me. Some of the manila slang they used even made me cringe. I didn’t know what they meant. It’s like even when I’m in simple conversations, I have to use System 2 because I’m really not used to it. Speaking straight English doesn’t come naturally to me. I can more genuinely express in Filipino especially when I react to things. I usually instantly say “buanga uy” or “naunsa ka” instead of slang English terms.

Now, a month later, I feel more comfortable talking to my blockmates but sometimes they can’t understand me and I’m unaware of it. From time to time, I get lost and start speaking Bisaya words that I always thought were Tagalog. So to help this, I ask my closer friends if a word is actually Bisaya or Tagalog. For speaking English however, I think I do better now and my System 1 has adjusted to speaking English phrases often. It feels a bit more natural to me now and my mind doesn’t lag as much in thinking of a response.

I do admit that I’m biased in the way I anchor how much English I should speak based on my classmates. I base whats ideal on how they talk and I changed the way I express myself because of that. Now however, having some close friends, I try to teach them some unique Bisaya words that I can’t translate into Tagalog and other expressions commonly used in Davao. It feels much more natural to me and I’m more comfortable using those expressions.